A start to the story of Bob the Betta. Please let me know what feedback you have!
Bob rolled up to the monorail station, pondering just what it was about Ognohin that made him feel not quite at home. Sure, he was a fish out of water, but being the only rolling fishbowl on the sidewalk wasn’t quite it.
Suddenly, Bob put his fin on it! The subtle references to Him were everywhere. There was the Monday Meatball Madness invitation, or the noodles tucked into the corners of official buildings. But what grabbed Bob’s attention as he slid onto the train to school that morning, was the passenger squeezing in front of him, thanking the Noodley Appendage for allowing him to get on the train. It had nothing to do with any appendage, noodley or otherwise! The guy had just shoved his way onto the train. People. Would they ever learn?
Hi,
The last paragraph is a little confusing to me. Making reference to a lot of things in the environment is great and I like the references. What I don’t get is what he “put his fin on” — I know it means he figured something out but I can’t tell what he figured out.
What about giving Bob goggles instead of glasses?
“Put his fin on” is a play on “put his finger on.” Since he’s a fish, he can’t really put his finger on anything :)
After I got over my initial disappointment that the story of Bob the Betta isn’t about how he accidentally tried to kill himself twice but then died a natural death, I liked it!
I also don’t get how the references to the flying spaghetti monster make Bob feel “not quite at home,” though. Is there some sort of thing in Monster mythos that I don’t know about? Or maybe just that where Bob’s from, no one believes?
Yup, Bob’s from a non Pastafarian world so that’s why he doesn’t quite feel at home! Since it’s been confusing people, I probably should write some more :)